Let's Celebrate the Life of Ted Hoy

Invitations have been mailed to friends and family for the Celebration of the Life of Ted Hoy to be held on Sunday, May 6, 2012, at Second Church of Christ, Scientist, 720 Belmonte Park N. and Grand Ave. ( next to Grandview Hospital), Dayton, Ohio at 3:30 pm. After the program, we will travel up Salem Ave. to Miami Valley Golf Club for dinner- Ted's favorites.

If you did not receive an invitation, you are still welcome to join us.

If you are staying for dinner, PLEASE RSVP at 937-224-0076. I need to give a count to the Club.

It should be a fun afternoon, and we are looking forward to sharing Ted's life with you!

Again, I thank you for your prayers, your messages of comfort and condolence, and for your many kindnesses to me, Thomas, David, and Christine.

We look forward to seeing you on Sunday.  Fondly, Anne

FOLLOW-UP TO TEARS AND FOND MEMORIES

Some folks have contacted us about flowers, food, the burial.

Ted was not interested in flowers. He raised funds for both the Miami Valley Makos Swim Team and the Stivers School for the Arts Swim Team. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to either of those swim teams. Donations may be sent to them in care of Anne Frayne, 18 W. First St., Dayton, Ohio 45402.

As mentioned previously, there will not be a viewing,  funeral or memorial service. There will be a celebration of Ted's life and tribute to him on Sunday, May 6, at 3:30 pm at Miami Valley Golf Club, Dayton, Ohio. We have scheduled it in the future in hope that friends and family may adjust their schedules and attend.

The family will receive friends and family on Monday, March 26, from 3:30 pm - 8:30 pm at Miami Valley Golf Club, Salem Avenue, Dayton, Ohio. We would appreciate family and friends not stopping by our home to visit but to visit us at Miami Valley Golf Club.

For those of you who have asked, Ted will be buried next to his parents at Centerville Cemetery on Tuesday, March 27, at 3:00 pm. This was initially expected to involve only family, but others have asked to attend. For those who desire to be at the burial, you may attend. It is a very small cemetery. The motorcade will leave from Hazel Baker Snider Funeral Home at approximately 1:30 pm on Tuesday. If you desire to be a pallbearer, please text Anne Frayne at 967-602-0798.

As for food, there will be some family coming in from out of town. Food is not expected. But, for those of you who like to cook and to provide food for comfort, we will gladly accept and indulge.

Again, we appreciate your prayers and support. Your friendship and caring is beyond what we could ever expect or imagine. From our hearts and with much love, Anne

TEARS AND FOND MEMORIES

After a challenging journey over the last 3+ months, Ted Hoy passed on early this afternoon at Miami Valley Hospital. On March 7, he was so excited about getting his bone flap re-installed and not having to wear the helmet. Unfortunately and unexpectedly, his brain was much weaker than anyone knew,  and a severe hemorrhage resulted after the bone flap had been put in and surgery was completed. This was in a different area of the brain than before. Ted made some progress, although minimal, during the first week, but after a week, he was determined to be in a chronic vegetative state. The decisions that our family has had to make over the past several weeks are more than any family should endure. Accordingly, we respectfully request that you ask us no questions regarding his treatment or his last  few weeks in the hospital. Ted was a fighter up until the end. He survived almost 40 hours after the ventilator was removed. He was only expected to live a couple of hours. David and I were with him when he passed.

Ted would often refer to an "end of an era" when something different happened in our lives. In many ways, this is an "end of an era" to our family and friends, but Ted will never be forgotten and the many memories involving Ted will be cherished for many years to come.

There will be no funeral, memorial service, or viewing. However, we will receive friends at Miami Valley Golf Club, Salem Ave, Dayton, Ohio on Monday, March 26, from 3:30 pm- 8:30 pm. Ted will be buried Tuesday afternoon at Centerville Cemetery beside his parents.

We want everyone to remember Ted as the vibrant person that he was. There will be a Celebration of Ted's Life and a Tribute to Ted on Sunday, May 6, at 3:30 pm at Miami Valley Golf Club. We expect it to be fun and something that Ted would have enjoyed. We hope that his friends and families will attend.

We sincerely appreciate all of the prayers and warm wishes that you have sent our way since December 2. They are cherished and have gone much beyond our expectations. I would be dishonest if I said that we will not continue to need your support and prayers in the future.

We had a family trip planned to Florida ( our annual pilgrimage to Disney) for Thursday, March 29  and returning Saturday before Easter. Ted was very much looking forward to the family trip, and had taken part in some of the planning last fall and more recently. We will still be going on the trip and will be visitng Ted's sister and her family as part of the pilgrimage.

Today, in honor of Ted, Thomas, David, Christine, and I played 9 holes of golf at Miami Valley. We teamed up Anne and Thomas against David and Christine. David and Christine led by one stroke for several holes, but Anne and Thomas came on strong the last hole to win by one stroke! We had alot of fun and Ted would have been smiling.There were a couple of amazing putts and other shots, which Ted would have enjoyed. Ted joined Miami Valley in 1989 in hopes that his family would play golf there. Well......we did, and we had great fun!.

We are getting ready to watch Ohio State play Syracuse in the NCAA basketball tournament. Ted was an avid Ohio State fan, and would be happy that Louisville just beat Florida!

Much love and appreciation, Anne

UPDATE DEMANDED - SO HERE IT IS

Many of you have been requesting an update, so here it is. Ted had his surgery on Wednesday to replace the bone flap. It went well. Sometime after the surgery, there was an inter-cranial bleed. It was life-threatening and Ted was put on life support Thursday morning. Although he is still on a ventilator, he is breathing on his own, and has been doing so for a couple of days now. The ventilator helps keep "junk" from going down his windpipe, but he does have a cough and gag reflex at this time. This is good. There was a big concern about additional swelling in his brain. Due to the effective prayers, there was no additional swelling, and there has actually been some reduction in swelling. I am very grateful for the progress of no additional swelling and his ability to breathe. His "vital signs" are good.  No additional surgery is planned.

I have been informed that Ted is not in a coma , but he is asleep all of the time. He has some response to stimuli - moving his left hand, left arm, and left leg some. He opens his eyes briefly when "they mess with him." They bathe him daily,  turn him every two hours, and clean his mouth every couple of hours. The nurses are taking very good care of him.

Throughout the last couple of months, you have been there supporting us with your prayers and warm thoughts. They got us through those months. Before his surgery, Ted was doing great. He had been released from physical therapy and occupational therapy. He was making alot of progress in his speech therapy. He was excited about getting " his head back" and not having to wear the helmet. He was fun to be with. Thomas and I were with him before his surgery, and there was alot of humor and expectation.

I hope that you will stand by us, support us, and keep praying for Ted's full and complete health, wholeness, and restoration. I hope that you understand that it is not appropriate for visitors at this time. I appreciate the many offers to be with me at the hospital or to visit me. But, you can do more by your prayers, and I prefer to be alone with him or with the children.

As one of the nurses said, " Ted is in there." Please continue to know that Ted is still there , with us, intact and complete. Thank you so much. Fondly, Anne

UPDATE - PRAYER STILL NEEDED

I have been informed that the next three days for Ted are critical. I will not go into  detail. My orders from the healthcare professionals are for (1) PRAYER and (2) PATIENCE. Please do not call or ask me any questions. If you desire to help, please do what the doctor has ordered - pray and be patient. Thank you for your support, your friendship, and your prayers. The time is now! Thank you again and much love for what all of you have done over the past several months. Much love and appreciation, Anne

PRAYER IS NEEDED - NOW!

Although Ted's surgery went well yesterday, there are some serious post-surgery issues. I will not go into detail; I will not discuss; and I will not answer any questions. BUT, I am making a plea for prayer for Ted. Please pray in whatever way that you choose for Ted to be taken care of by the One Father and for his health and wholeness. Please do not call and do not visit  - I have made you aware of the need. I will give updates when appropriate. I appreciate all that you have done over the past three months. The time is NOW for your love and friendship to go into prayer action. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Anne

TED IS GETTING HIS HEAD BACK!

Ted had appointments yesterday and today with his rehab doctor and neurosurgeon. Both docs are extremely happy and amazed at his progress and are now expectant for much more progress over the next 18-24 months! Ted will have surgery next Wednesday to replace the piece of skull that was removed in December to allow his brain to swell during the healing process. The skull is in his abdomen. It will be retrieved and put back with titanium clamps to stay. He is expected to be in the hospital 2-3 days. He is expected to walk out with no helmet, and he will be off 24-hour supervision. No visitors please while he is in the hospital this last time.

Ted "asked"  Dr. Moncrief if he would improve so that he could teach again at Sinclair Community College. Ted was ecstatic when Dr. Moncrief saw no reason why that could not occur in time.

Ted is sick and tired of the helmet and 24-hour supervision. He is excited about this step in his progress. His feeding tube comes out on Thursday. He is close to becoming a "normal" human being, with some hints of The Bionic Man.

Since last Tuesday, Ted has consistently done the sudoku puzzle in the Dayton Daily News every day. He is very proud of that fact.

On Saturday, I took him to the Miami Valley Bridge Center for an hour to watch his partner, John Meinking, play the last part of a bridge game. Ted understood what was going on, but got very tired after 45 minutes. Stamina, Ted..... Stamina......

Ted is looking forward to playing bridge again,,,,, and also to golf. As I left him today after we returned home, he was going outside with his physical therapist. He is walking really well, and hopes to be carrying his golf bag and walking the links again.

Ted is starting to put together more words. He is putting together 4-5 words, but is still not completing a sentence. BUT, he is almost there! To be honest, Christine and I are very tired of the gesturing and are anxious for him to be fully conversational. Our discompassionate, callous natures have worked fairly well to get him to this level of progress. We have been putting the pressure on to speak in complete sentences. It will come!

If it is not too much of a burden, I ask you to continue to pray and support Ted in this next step of his journey. He is frustrated with the constant companionship by a caregiver or me, and yearns for his privacy. But, we are all learning patience. Your prayers have been so important and effective to get him and us this far, please don't stop now!  Much appreciation from all of us........ Anne



       

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

It was a good weekend for Ted. His bridge partner John Meinking spent about an hour dealing out bridge hands for them to attempt to bid as if they were at a bridge game. Although Ted could not speak the bids, he could write them down ( most of the time) and he did pretty good on making appropriate bids! For those of you who don't play bridge, some bridge players never think that their partners make appropriate bids! Ted is hoping to go watch a bridge game later this week. He is aware that he can't really play yet, but he is hoping to ease back into it.

Before Ted's "incident", Ted played alot of  electronic"Word with Friends" on his telephone with me, the kids, and others. Earlier this week, he wanted to try to play it, but he really couldn't. He had me playing for him and against him..... it was quite weird. BUT, yesterday, he was actually playing his own game (with no assistance) and he played a 36-point word and a 49-point word. Now, that I am getting beat by someone claiming to have brain damage, my competitive juices are revving up for a way to get back at him! He is very excited about being able to play, and would probably welcome games from any of you.

Ted is still not conversational, but he is making great progress. Sometimes the conversations going on around him are like a foregin language to him, but it is getting easier for him. He is putting words together and using bigger words. I am grateful for all of that progress, and grateful for all of your prayers and thoughts that keep this progress going!  Keep it up! Happy President's Day, Anne

TED CAN EAT!

Ted had his swallowing test again today, and he passed! HOORAY! He swallowed everything well...... I watched the fluoroscopy with the technician and everything was going down the correct tube!! His first meal request - Panera Bread - broccoli cheese soup and a Greek salad! That would be a good advertisement for Panera.

They don't know when they will remove the feeding tube. They often keep it for awhile in case a supplement is needed or if there are any digestive issues. So far.... so good......

Thank you for all your prayers and support. This is a huge step..... Car won't need to stay until 10:30 every night to feed him, and she can have some time for herself as well!   Anne

Ted's spelling test

I just learned from Heather ( Ted's speech therapist) that she gave him a spelling test today. She was pleased that he wrote 27 out of 38 words correctly. Some of the words that he missed were green, yellow, frog, house, and some other "h" words. He wrote "orange" independently to let her know that she forgot that color. She was pleased that he did spell 27 correctly. She said that he tends to misspell the words that he has trouble pronouncing.  She said that his writing skills are extremely strong, and that he is a good student. She is pleased that he has been doing his homework and his exercises. He is probably not ready for a spelling bee at this time!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Ted has been home for 12 days, and it is really going much better than I could have expected. He is walking, doing the stairs and steps, showering, and dressing quite well. He is getting most of his balance back, and is not as wobbly as before. He still needs some assistance, but is becoming quite independent in those areas. He was getting up three times a night, which was really wearing me out. But, now he gets up only once at night.... THANK YOU!

Ted loves his speech therapy sessions, and looks forward to them daily. She is willing to come daily! He "demanded" to go to Target yesterday, where he purchased two pairs of pants ( he has lost 45 pounds!) and a white board. He loves his white board! When he tried to communicate verbally yesterday and it didn't work, he would write on the white board. Some of it didn't make sense. He wrote 4 of the 7 days of the week, but not sure why. Then he wrote " appendix". We don't know if he was referring to the human body or the back of a book. Knowing Ted, it was probably the back of a book. But, where did that come from?

He takes another swallowing test tomorrow. His speech therapist is very encouraging about him having regained his ability to swallow. Keep him in your prayers for the big test at 11 am tomorrow! His last swallow test was on January 10. He wants to get off the feeding tube, as do I. He is very patient about being fed at  6am, 10 am, 2 pm, 6 pm, and 10 pm. He is like an infant on a formula schedule!

We do not get any recreational therapy as part of home health care. He enjoyed his recreational therapy in rehab. I encouraged him to do golf therapy, and he agreed. He was leery about hiring a golf pro. I have hired a golf therapist - Christine Hoy - yes his daughter! She needs a job, she has been trained well by Ted and her coaches, and she has the patience of Job. He will do 4 one-hour sessions weekly. Their first session was on Sunday. It went quite well. He remembers his grip, but not much else. They have another session tonight! We will see what she has planned for him tonight.

Ted's speech is still very halted, but he is starting to put together several words and whole ideas, but much of it doesn't make sense yet. Some examples are :  what day? may mean what time is it? Where are the people? may  may refer to what time is swim team practice? Stomach may refer to his feeding schedule. Numbers may refer to when his next therapist is coming. It is good that I like charades.... I have been playing alot of it lately.

Ted did something uncharacteristically sweet today. When I came into the living room this morning, he went over to the organ, opened it up, and pointed to an envelope and box of candy inside. Yesterday, at Target, he had bought me a valentine and valentine candy! It was very sweet.  Maybe that sweetness will stay......

Ted was very upset about Ohio State's loss to Michigan State's basketball team. Tonight we play Minnesota away (  Coach Tubby Smith and remember Luke Witte - Minnesota beat him to a  bloody pulp in the 70's). He will be watching the game intently, as will I!

I am happy to have my blubbering valentine home. His blubberings are getting longer, becoming more intelligible, and are even starting to make some sense! There is much progress, and I am very grateful.  I wish you all a happy valentine's day and much love to you and yours. I hope to have good news tomorrow from the swallowing test..... Fondly, Anne

Ted is home

Ted came home on Groundhog Day....He was supposed to be discharged at 11 am, and it was closer to 1 p m before he could leave. I won't bore you with the details. The poor guy was sitting in his wheelchair with his helmet on at 10:30 am, ready to go, and he couldn't understand why the long, long delay. To be honest, neither could I! Things were not ready that were supposed to be ready.....

Ted is being a good boy.... most of the time. He understands that he must wear his helmet when he is walking, doing any activity, or around anyone. He is pretty good about putting it on, but sometimes forgets. He is showering, dressing, and shaving on his own. He is reading very well now ( silently, not out loud), and he is doing simple math. He is playing lots of solitaire, and rarely wins ( do any of us ever win?)

He is still on his feeding tube. He does not want me to feed him ( not a problem with me!). He likes the caregivers to do it --- works for me! It appears that he is starting to swallow some, and his talking is improving. He is still just saying one syllable words and often struggle with them. He cannot really put two words together.  But, when discussing basketball yesterday with the boys,  all of the sudden he said "Michigan State" in response to a question. We all jerked our heads  in shock! That was four syllables!! And why Michigan State??

He has improved tremendously since he has been home. He does his exercises religiously. He is showing interest in the pets ( a good sign - thinking about something other than himself). He can work the TV clicker now.... much to my dismay!

He had physical therapy on Friday and starts speech therapy today. He likes his therapy sessions, and "asks" about them every morning.

He is walking well and doing stairs very well. He still needs to be "watched" but he is getting more and more stable.

Visitors will be welcome beginning on Thursday. They will be limited to 1 hours, and must be scheduled with me, so that they don't conflict with his therapy sessions and his nurse. Sorry.........

Your prayers and encouraging messages have been of unbelievable support over the past two months. I can actually start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. ( In law school, we always talked about the light at the end of the tunnel). Please keep those prayers and messages coming and going. I certainly appreciate them. Much love, A nne

COUNTDOWN TO TED'S HOMECOMING

The countdown has begun ---- Ted is scheduled to come home tomorrow between 11 and 1. Depending upon when equipment is delivered, the nurses and therapists giving me my "final instructions", and their availability, Ted should be home early afternoon.

I had my last case management conference yesterday. I will not miss them. Last week I was at a high-anxiety level regarding his coming home, but I have settled in and we can do this! I am much more comfortable about the 24-hour care and supervision that Ted needs.

Ted came home for several hours last Sunday afternoon to watch the OhioState-Michigan basketball game and for a "trial run". It went very well. But, Ted was very tired, and was ready to go "back home." He was very nervous about being "fed" at home. With gestures and gibberish, he explained to the aides and nurses on Saturday that he did not want to be "fed" at home. They got the picture so they fed him right before he left on Sunday and as soon as he got back to the hospital. Surprisingly to me, he does experience hunger and fullness even though he is fed through a feeding tube.

Ted has progressed marvelously over the past week. He is reading simple words, but his  pronunciations are poor. He needs a good phonics class! Oh.... we have "Hooked on Phonics" at home from when the kids were little...... That's an idea for helping his speech progress!

What can Ted do? Ted can walk, climb steps ( and we have alot of them), ride a stationery bike, do simple weights, shower, shave, get dressed, watch TV, play solitaire, free cell, and simple card games, and appears to understand most conversations.

What does Ted need to start doing? swallowing, drinking, eating, speaking conversationally, focusing better, reading at a higher level,  increase his cognitive skills, have better balance.

I have been informed that there are 8 levels of  progress in these situations. He was at level 1, when he had no cognitive ability when he was in intensive care. After reaching level 2, he was taken to the trauma unit. When he approached level 4, he was taken to the rehab unit. He is now between levels 7 and 8. Level 8 is functional, but not where you and I want to be, or where Ted wants to be. He needs to get way past level 8.

Yesterday, Dr. Pedoto informed me that it was a "miracle" where Ted is now compared to where he was when he entered the rehab unit right after Christmas. That "miracle" is due to all of your prayers and support. I thank you so very much.

Ted will continue his therapy ( physical, occupational, and speech) in the home for now, and will later advance to out-patient therapy. That will be scheduled soon.

I have been asked to keep the home quiet for the first week. ( Obviously, they have not been in my home). They explained to me that this transition is sometimes hard on patients, and they need limited stimulus while they transition. They have recommended no visitors, and after a week, only one visitor a day for a maximum of one hour.

If anyone has an interest in visiting Ted ( and we are not offended if you don't), you need to call and make an appointment! I know that sounds crazy, but I need to make sure that it does not conflict with the visiting nurses and his therapy sessions or other visits. When and if you visit, it is encouraged that you not just talk, but play games with him such as cards. I hope  that you like to play cards! He can play War at this time. We are going to work on Crazy Eights this weekend.

I cannot express in words the gratitude that I have for all of you that have prayed for us, sent messages of comfort, confidence, and support, and have allowed me to lean on you. In the words of The Carpenters ( I believe that is who sang it), " we have only just begun....." Those prayers and that support is still needed! Much love and appreciation, Anne

FLASHCARDS

One of Ted's good friends, John Meinking, gave him flashcards ( for 4 years and up). Ted likes them! John worked with him on Wednesday. Ted wanted to do them last night. Ted cannot inform me what the items on the flashcards are or read the simple words. BUT, if two flashcards were held in front of him, he could point and differentiate monkey from snake, ice cream cone from giraffe, octopus from nest. After several attempts, it was obvious that he could not differentiate dog from cat, or king from ring. So, progress is needed.

I stated last week that he was a 2-year-old. I would guess that he is between 3 and 4 today... THAT IS PROGRESS!

Thomas went to therapy with him yesterday ( Thomas's day off) and plans to go to part of therapy today. It is an interesting process.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers.....Anne

Ted is coming home on Groundhog Day

The latest news and also troubling news is that Ted is coming home on Thursday, February 2, Groundhog Day. Yesterday, at the case management meeting, which two caregivers, my personal consultant, and I attended, I was overwhelmed with the amount of equipment that has to be ordered, the number of people that will be coming into our home for "home health care", and the amount of work that the two caregivers and I will be doing. I have begged for him to stay at MVH, but he is determined to be "medically stable" and ready to come home.

Ted still can't swallow so he takes all liquids and "food" through a feeding tube into his stomach. His medications are given that way as well. It didn't dawn upon me until yesterday, that we will need to get up in the middle of the night to feed him, just like you feed a newborn baby. They are going to try to "measure" his feedings to maybe stretch it to a 6-hour stretch without feedings, but that is going to be tough due to the size of his stomach at this time. His stomach has shrunk and can't absorb the normal amount of calories. ( I WISH MY STOMACH HAD SHRUNK!)

Ted is getting up and walking very quickly. He is leaning to the right and sometimes runs into door jams, but he is moving. That is scary..... at home he can get up quickly and start moving before someone in the room has time to react. Someone has to assist him when he walks, because he is still wobbly and lacks some balance.

He still has the brain flap ( missing left parietal skull) so he must wear a helmet. He hates the helmet, and is always taking it off when he is out of bed.  Of course, my concern is that he will take it off and take off walking somewhere and could fall or run into something. Three weeks ago, Dr. Moncrief informed me that he expected to put his skull back in six weeks. So, I was expecting that to occur about two weeks after Ted comes home. I learned yesterday that they want the brain to "settle down some more" before they do that so it may be several months with Ted in a helmet and having the brain flap.

At this time, he does not have the cognitive ability to assess safety risks - much like a two-year-old not be ing aware that running into the street is dangerous.

He is progressing well in language. He has put two words together and he has even said the three syllable word "Jeopardy." He often "lectures" us for several minutes, but it is mostly gibberish, and we have no idea what he is saying. We may make out a word or two. He is expecting to "celebrate Christmas" when he comes home. His gifts are still under the Christmas tree, and he "told us" that he wants Thomas, David, and Christine there. When he told me that, "David" was very clear. "Thomas and Christine" were difficult to understand.

The speech therapist and caregivers have told me that he can read some simple words - fork, spoon, knife, mug. However, when I attended the session, he could not read anything. The speech therapist suspected that he was tired that day. Ted is very fond of Jessica, his speech therapist, and loves to go to her classes. I think that he understands that those are the best classes for him at this time. Unfortunately, she does not do outpatient classes, so he will miss her. Pray that the outpatient speech therapist has the skills and chemistry of Jessica!

It was made very clear to all of us yesterday that they want stimulus to be at a minimum at home until he adjusts to his new environment. Supposedly, quiet environments are good in the healing process. Obviously, they have never been in my household. Quiet is not a word you would use to describe our home!

They have asked that there be no visitors for several weeks until he adjusts to the new environment and to the "home health care" with the therapists and nurses visiting. I learned that the nurses won't be "nursing" but only monitoring what the caregivers and I do..... that was disappointing!

Well......if you haven't picked up on it yet, I am overwhelmed, scared, and emotionally stretched. I am grateful that I don't feel tired and that I am sufficiently competitive that I am starting to strateguze a way to "win" this "battle." Schedules are being made for me and the caregivers to allow me to work and also have a life. JUST SO YOU KNOW - I have been told to take care of myself and to do something for myself..... that won't be hard!

You have all come through over the last 54 days in praying for Ted, me and the family. Those prayers have certainly helped him to progress from the "near death" situation he was in to where he is now. I was initially told that he would not come home for six months ( and what happened to that!). If you can still find the time and/or energy to pray for us, we continue to welcome those prayers, because they are effective and still needed.

I cannot tell you in words how much it means to ME to feel your prayers, to sense your warm and caring thoughts, and to receive notes of support, comfort, love, and those votes of confidence. I think that many of you have more confidence in what I can do than what I think that I can do . That keeps me going and will continue to keep me going...... ..Love to all of you and from my heart...... Anne

God works in mysterious ways

I  pushed a button too soon........One of the many mistakes we make in praying is trying to tell God what to do instead of letting God do what is best for all of us. When I made my desperate plea for prayer today, I was thinking more about Ted's condition instead of mine. Since my earlier post today, God has put a big smile on my face twice today. I received a very generous gift for the Stivers swim team which takes a huge financial burden off of the swim team and me. Then, I was asked to join a client at the U.D./Xavier basketball game this Saturday - as Ted would say - a very hot ticket! So.... Ted's condition may not have changed much since noon, but I am smiling again and I know that your prayers are effective and that God will always provide away for each of us.

Don't take this too lightly. We still need prayers...... I am still feeling overwhelmed, but at least I am smiling again. I am leaving now to go back to the hospital to see my 2-year-old....... and 2-year-olds do grow up! Maybe he will be 3 or 4 tonight! 

From my heart to yours, Anne

God works in mysterious ways.

Good News and Bad News - they are the same

Today was my third weekly meeting with Ted's case manager of the MVH rehab unit. The good news and bad news are the same. Ted will probably be discharged and come home in approximately 2 weeks. The GOOD part of that is Ted is walking fairly well ( still needs assistance - cane, walker, or person to lean on) and he is medically stable. The BAD part of that is Ted will need 24-hour supervision when he comes home - and they mean 24-hour supervision. He cannot be left alone even for a minute and no one can leave the room to do anything else, such as laundry, food preparation, etc. The concern is the brain flap - he still is missing the left part of his skull and it will need to be replaced. Any fall or knock to that area could cause permanent brain damage. He is not expected to have that part of his skull replaced for about a month or more. Right now his brain is still healing, and I am told that it is healing very well and very quickly.

I have jokingly said that Ted has passed from the vegetable state ( when he was in a coma for about a week), to pet state ( where we can walk him, toilet him, and get him to nod occasionally), and now to person state. Unfortunately, in the person state, he is cognitively about a 2-year-old. Accordingly, he does not understand risks, has not yet regained his reasoning ability, and can not differentiate symbols, letters, numbers, etc.

My assessment may sound harsh and callous, but folks, that is amazing progress. I heard him count from 1 to 10 today, with much prompting from the speech therapist. I heard him sing "Happy Birthday" poorly, but he got most of the words out. He said his name, Anne, and all of the children's names as well as Hoy. He cannot say Frayne yet and has much trouble with Christine. Those are harder sounds to make.

We all love 2-year-olds and Ted is still loveable. He has been 2 before and made it  to and through puberty and beyond. We are expecting that journey from childhood through adolescence to  adulthood to be much quicker this time, but it is a journey that must be made - fast or slow. I am entrusting to God that it will be fast.

He was very sad today. I was informed that is a sign of his cognitive ability increasing. When they become sad, they have awareness of what is going on with them and around them, so that awareness is a big indicator of progress. I tried to lighten it up. There were a couple of smiles, but he had several more classes today, and seemed very sad. I was told that he has had tears a couple of times over the last couple of days. I am told that is a sign of progress.

For those of you who desire to visit, that will not occur until some time after he returns home. He will still be having physical therapy, occupation therapy, and speech therapy several times each week in our home and that needs to take priority. When the time comes and you REALLY, REALLY want to visit him, you will need to call me and schedule a visit. I know that sounds cold and mechanical, but Ted's progress needs to stay on track,  and chaos and confusion with visitors, therapists, etc. needs to be minimized.

If you haven't gleaned it from this post, I have now hit the point of feeling totally overwhelmed. Although I have taken care of three 2-year-olds, none of them had the size or strength of Ted and none of them had part of their head missing with the brain being exposed except for a flap of skin over it. It scares me to death....... Ted is still not swallowing and is still on a feeding tube, so Car and I need to learn how to feed him every four hours through his feeding tube. He has made progress in swallowing, but it is not there yet.

SO...... all of you out there who have been following the Ted Hoy blog, who have been quietly and consistenly supporting us, there is more for you to do...... KEEP THOSE PRAYERS GOING..... Right now, I think that I may need them more than Ted! In all honesty, I very much appreciate your support, your prayers, your caring. KEEP THOSE PRAYERS GOING..... Whenever I have made a call for prayerful support, you have all come through.

Since December 2, I have not broken down and cried. I have come close, but always got it together.  Today, it may happen. I am not sure how I am going to be able to take care of him, even though I have Car and others to help me. I began to shake and tremble when it sunk in about the amount of work that  needs to be done to take care of him at home and the amount of supervision that he requires. I can't put him in a playpen like I did Thomas, David, and Christine!

But, tears can be cleansing. And, he has made amazing progress. Please pray for that progress to continue, especially over the next couple of weeks. I am trusting that it is "the Spirit that quickeneth, the flesh profiteth nothing." In one word, GODSPEED. Thanks again to all of you who are supporting us, Anne

UPDATE

Ted is getting stronger moment by moment, and day by day. He is moving easily in his bed, walking much more balanced, and moving around easier. It is still hard for him because he must still wear the helmet when he is out of bed - but he is not fighting it as much.

This weekend, Ted  put two words together - which is a big improvement over "no" and "yes". Several times, he asked "where is........"  but couldn't finish the question. But, this is progress for him to compound two words. Someone also heard him say "fasten it" when he was referring to his safety belt. I have also been told that he has said "Anne Frayne"  and his name a couple of times, but I have not heard that yet.

When not in therapy ( which is very limited over the weekend) , he was very "busy" watching the NFL playoffs this weekend. He is aware that he is involved in two Fantasy Football Leagues and that he is in the "positive" for the season. But, he is confused as to who the various players are that he "owns". He appears to be happy at the " right times"  and disappointed at the "right times" when watching the games.

He is still not swallowing - so he is still on a feeding tube. When asked if he ever thinks about eating, he nods in the negative. I am somewhat envious of that lack of desire to eat! He is starting to look more like himself and to adopt those "Ted Hoy behaviors" again.

Today, he is "back to work" in his therapy classes. He is having classes from 8:30 am until 3:00 pm. He is typically very tired after his classes and naps for a couple of hours afterwards.

I very much appreciate all of your prayers and warm thoughts. Keep them coming our way! Have a great week, Anne

UPDATES - GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS

Today was my second meeting with Ted's case manager. My good friend Jenny Heckler Versteeg accompanied me - her nursing and law background is extremely helpful. In addition, her husband
Ted has traveled this road himself having experienced serious injuries from a motorcycle accident. Her husband is back to work after approximately two years and her Ted's experience gives me much hope for my Ted. She helps to fill in many of the blanks that are not completed by the hospital staff.

I met Ted's rehab phsyician ( physiatrist) Dr. Pedoto  for the first time today. He is very happy with Ted's progress and considers him "on track" but made it clear that he makes no prognoses. He informed me that Ted's brain is healing well. Ted is doing well in most of his various therapies. He is walking 300 feet, climbing steps, and dressing. Unfortunately, he failed his swallowing test today ( again) so the feeding tube will have to stay in for awhile. Otherwise, he is progressing in speech therapy. I have been told that he has said "Anne" a couple of times as well as "no." This evening, I did hear him say "yes" when I asked him if he wanted to watch the NH primary results. But, he still is quite mute and communicates by gestures, nodding, and raising of eyebrows. 

They are working him hard in his therapy classes  - a very good thing...... so he is tired during his breaks. He is now starting to sleep through the night, which hasn't happened for over a month.

At my request, they are "upgrading" his feeding tube so that it will detach when he moves around. There were reasons why they wanted him "attached" continually. But he has progressed in the digestion process.
As of this evening, he no longer has to drag or push his IV stand when he walks or otherwise moves about. This is a great step in progress. As I left tonight, he was walking with his "caregiver" to the bathroom  without having to negotiate with the IV stand. This will make it much easier for him to  move.He still needs assistance because he is somewhat wobbly and still bumps into things. They suspect that he has blurry vision or double vision which supposedly often occurs with brain trauma. They expect that to correct itself \- hopefully soon

As for being ready to leave rehab and come home, they told me that they will review that on a weekly basis. At this time, I cannot imagine him being at home.... he has a 24-hour sitter in addition to the nurses that come in and "do things" on an hourly basis. Our housekeeper Car ( of 25 years) has offered to be with Ted when he comes home. At the case manager's request, she will start attending therapy sessions with him on Thursday. That should be interesting!

When I left the hospital tonight, I had a voicemail message from Christine. She received her acceptance letter from The Ohio State University today. So, we have added another Buckeye to our family. She is very excited as are the boys and me. I will give Ted the "good news" tomorrow. I expect him to gesture with an " O-H".

Tomorrow will be day 40 in this wilderness journey. There have been "pillars of fire" and "pillars of cloud" to guide me from time to time although at times it seems that I have been engulfed by the Red Sea instead of being blessed by its parting. It has been EXTREMELY COMFORTING  to know that so many of you are following this blog and supporting me and our family in your own way. That has parted the Red Sea of turbulence and drowning many times and during many moments.  Your thoughts and prayers are of unbelievable support to me during this challenging time. For those of you who have re-connected with me after many, many years, I cannot tell you the joy and strength that has given me. For those of you who are always there and to whom I rarely say "thank you" because you are so close, I appreciate you so very much and I apologize for taking advantage of your love and/or friendship.

I thank God for His blessings and presence during this challenge. I also thank God for all of you who have been there - for the messages, love, support. Please do not stop sending those warm thoughts and prayers. They are of utmost importance...... Whenever I have made a plea for prayer, there has been a turnaround within 24 hours. You are all wonderful! From my heart to yours, Anne

YOUR PRAYERS ARE WORKING - BACK ON TRACK!

Thank you all for answering the call to prayer. There has been much improvement yesterday and today. Ted actually wrote his name - and it looked like his signature! But, when asked to do it later, he did nothing. So....connections are being made at times and will continue to be made.

I learned today that he was extremely ill several days ago. This had never been shared with me. There is an obvious lack of commmunication in the hospital - no one told me that he was ill but only that he was not ready for his rehab activities. They have since changed their conclusions, are no longer going to write him off and send him to a nursing home,  and are ready to work with him again.  Your prayers have helped to turn around that situation quickly. The therapists and nurses are very excited about his progress yesterday and today and are very eager to help him to progress now.

Ted is getting alot of physical strength back. He is walking alot and is getting up on his own alot, so he has to be restrained. Right now, he does not seem to understand risks and consequences because he sometimes knocks things over and bangs into things if he is walking without assistance.  He does not like the restraint and gives me that angry look about it. It is not my fault that he knocked over the IV stand which resulted in pulling out his feeding tube! He will learn....... maybe the hard way.....

In occupational therapy, he did very well in sorting coins! That should not surprise anybody. But, in recreational therapy, he could not tell the difference between the Pittsburg Pirate logo and the Ohio State logo. That is sad.......He smiled alot when the therapist brought up the 1978 Pirates pitcher, Kent Tekulve. Ted loved him in the 1978 World Series. Despite Ted's minimal ways to communicate,  he knew when to smile and when to frown during the Gator Bowl. Unfortunately for Buckeye Nation, there were more frowns than smiles for all of us.

Ted is still not talking but is beginning to use his lips - which is a very positive sign.

He seems to understand that his favorite current candidate, Newt Gingrich, did not do well in the Iowa Caucus. He was frowning alot during that telecast. He seemed uninterested in Michelle Bachmann leaving the race.

He has lots of classes during the day - physical therapy twice a day, occupational therapy twice a day, speech therapy twice a day, and recreational therapy once a day. He is fairly tired between his classes and usually naps. When I visited today, he waved me off after his speech therapy class and was anxious to snooze before his next class.

It is recommended that there be no visitors unless you want to go to classes with him! I have been to them.....it is alot like pre-school. I understand that the classes are strenuous for him and that rest and naps are best for him between them. That sounds good to me! We all remember those days in college..... a little nap between classes! So, please don't visit for awhile. There will be plenty of time for visits in the future.

Thank you all for your prayers and please continue with them. We are hopeful that we are back on track now. Anne